Getting It Done

How'd the defense go? Well, from what I understand now it was just a matter of pro forma. My advisor hardly showed up. She asked only one question and it was so completely out of context that I had a hard time figuring out what she was asking. The other two committee members offered some pretty cool responses. By the end of July it will be official; I will have a diploma in hand proving I haven't been pretending and just racking up random student loans. Anyway, I passed and got all of the paperwork turned in, although I won't be able to turn my thesis in until after I get back from gettin' hitched.

Speaking of getting hitched, all the good folks took me out for a bachelor's night. Rachel brought along a "boob" squirt gun that I think is really a penis that the manufacturers modified. The other boobs involved were all mine and Jesse's. Friends, bowling (me with two games at 112) and beer. What more could a guy ask for?

Poltergeist Vs. Zeitgeist

After months of writing and revisions, tomorrow is it. I turn in my thesis to the defense committee. Good stuff Maynard. My thesis advisor has been a ghost for the last month and a half so I have been doing all the revisions largely with the help of two, very indulgent, friends. We'll see what the committee thinks next week during my defense.

I guess I should qualify the ghost comment . . . my thesis advisor did make herself known long enough to reschedule my defense (yesterday, exactly one week before the defense was originally scheduled). Maybe she isn't a traditional ghost, rather a poltergeist. I can't see her per se but she shows up and starts throwing things around, making a general mess and then she disappears again.

I sort of feel like a bear waking up from hibernation. I haven't seen much of anyone for the last few months. In fact, since before Easter I have only seen Jenn two times. Since she lives, and teaches, in the southern half of the state and I am up here in the north, making the 4 hour back and forth trip while simultaneously trying to get everything finished has been nearly impossible. I'm not sure if I am going to recognize her when we get married (in three weeks). Anyone want to vouch for her?

Be a Jackass, Write to a Horse

The University of Pennsylvania set up an email address for all of you who wish to send your good wishes to Kentucky Derby winner Barbaro. As we /ALL/ know this animal broke its leg during the Preakness. Apparently, along with being a terrific runner (at least while it lasted) this horse also has the amazing ability to read email. I refuse to provide the link so you are going to have to trust me on this one.

In related news, hundreds of people in New York are protesting the health department's rule that doesn't allow them to bring their "emotional support" animals into restaurants and other places of business. ("Wagging the Dog, and a Finger" NewYork Times May 14, 2006)

What the hell is the matter with people!? Our country is removing any vestige of public health care from our government, we keep the minimum wage so low that it is absolutely impossible to pay rent let alone buy an occasional scrap of food, we subsidize big business, go to war over fabricated circumstances and our dutiful citizens are busy writing emails to a fucking horse and complaining that their rat disguised as an 8oz asthma-hound Chihuahua isn't allowed to accompany them to the grocery store!???

Get Your Peeps on

I am glad that Bush denies spying infringes on privacy. Quite frankly I was wondering how long it was going to be before I could share my spycam picts of his twins with the rest of the world.

Oh yeah and those surveillance pictures I have of his shriveled Viagra laden Cheney, no privacy issue there either. . . Good!

Now, who wants me to listen to their phone conversations? No charge! And since it doesn't infringe on your privacy I will be happy to keep those records and share them with the rest of your family and friends.

How come the assholes in the Bush administration are the only ones that get to have secrets? Of course that is called "executive privilege" and is apparently something entirely different.

Seppuku for Bush?

The Reuters headline reads:
Bush skewers self at correspondents' dinner

I was hoping this was going to have something to do with the old Roman tradition of falling on one's sword...

No such luck. Damn!

Hard up in High School

I heard a report on the local nightly news about high school boys using Viagra. It took a few days before the shock of the newscast sunk in. The absurdity of it all. Let me back up and say that again, High school boys using Viagra.

What!??

Maybe they ain't growing 'em the way they used to.

Again, high school boys using Viagra!?

Was I the odd man out? Was I the only boy in high school walking around with a perpetual boner? If Shelly walked within ten feet of me I had a stiffy. If I so much as caught a whiff of women's perfume I'd be walking funny for hours. I won't even begin to describe what would happen if some girl accidentally made physical contact with me. . . Ohhhhh!

High
School
Boys
Using
Viagra!?

What the hell has happened to our society when the result is that high school boys need help getting a hard on? There has got to be some reference to that in the book of Revelation. We are doomed.

All Gone

The thumbnail finally came off today. I about puked!

So now the big question, should I sell it on ebay or give it away to that special someone as a gift?

So Gay!

I found out last night that I am a "Fag." Maybe some of you already knew this but it would have been helpful for you to fill me in before I asked Jenn to marry me. Now what am I supposed to do? Should I ask for the ring back and give it to someone else?

It was a bit strange to find out, I must admit, but here's the gist. I was riding my bike downtown and I crossed the street in a cross walk. A guy in a group of frat boys (the quintessential determiners of homosexuality) walking near where I was crossing yelled at me, "Hey Faggot."
I can't believe he could tell so readily and I have been in the dark on this for all these years.

What the hell!?

Not a single one of my gay friends has said a thing to me. What a bunch of Jerks. It took some random guy on the street to let me know.

Ice... the Devil's Work

I know Southerners have a reputation for being ignorant. . . but DAMN! This is the label off a package of prepared Okra. Do marketing companies really think that Southerners believe basic physics is "magic"?

. . . "Honey you best be getting out here, somebody done bewitched the pond. It's cold, and solid and. . . Sweetie. . . I'm scared them devil worshipers or maybe them Northern liberals used their magic and froze the dang thing."

April 6 '99

She died seven years ago today but, I still miss my mom.

What?!

CSU Pueblo Student Shot 16 Times

Articles like this make me wonder . . .
1. Isn't one shot sufficient? This dickhead would have had to reload a couple of times. I mean come on, seriously what are you trying to prove at that point, dead is dead. Guys like this should be strung up by their short hairs, but (and this is just my cynical nature showing through again) somebody on the jury is going to say he is crazy because he shot her so many times and he'll walk out with a mental illness sentence.
2. She was shot in her apartment but wasn't found until the guy turned himself in. I have never lived in a sound proof apartment. What kind of neighbors hear 16 gunshots in the middle of the night and say, "hmm, 16 shots, now thats odd. If there had been 17 shots I would have reported that to the police or called 911, but there were only 16. I'm going back to bed. How about you honey? Coming back to bed?"