Bright Lights Big Butts

After a month in Spain my eyes got adjusted to the light of a new perspective. At first glance everyone is so freaking beautiful. But when the glare wore off I realized it isn't that they are so glamorous as they are just not lazy slobs.

I got back into the states on Saturday; Chicago. HOLY F^@K !!! There is nobody that is going to convince me that we, the entire country, have a genetic predisposition towards obesity while the whole of Europe doesn't.

What we have are suburbs and highways. Rarely does anyone walk or bike anywhere. We sit in a car and drive. When we get "there" we sit on our collective asses waiting to turn around and head home to do some more ass-sitting in front of the TV.

I need to go for a walk with my wife.

Das Ist Die Frage

I was standing in line at the grocery store perusing the infinite wisdom of weekly periodicals when a certain headline caught my eye. It asked us the crucial question. . . what will Britney do now that she has nothing to live for? . . . There was a nice picture of her boys on the cover.

You mean to tell me that having those two kids in the house was keeping her sane?

I guess I really would like to know what she will do now.

gooder men

Good: of a favorable character or tendency

I think Geedub has a different definition of what "good" is than I do. Here are a few of the folks he has called good:

Shifty Eyed thug Carl Rove
Do nothing Prime Minister Nuri Al-Maliki
Poop headed meany John Bolton
Jerk face dead guy Ken Lay

And, most recently:
Alberto "Jurisprudence? We don’t need no stinking jurisprudence” Gonzales

Gimme Gimme

Russia is laying claim to vast oil reserves under the artic cap by planting a flag.

Seriously? Is that all it takes?

Anyone want to help me design my own flag? There is some stellar stuff at Home Depot I want to stake a claim on.

Please have all submissions to me by Sept 3rd. The winner receives some free stuff from Home Depot that I will claim on their behalf.

Fend for Yourself

I should let it roll off my back but I get really pissed when I see uniformed police officers directing traffic for the mega churches. My tax dollars supporting a tax exempt organization. How is that even legal?

If they can't afford to buy a traffic light then they shouldn't have spent the $18 million to build that stupid Jesus factory in the first place.

Screw em!

They are on their own.

On that note why would a government negotiate for hostages that got captured after they were duly advised not to go somewhere in the first place… like, say… oh, I don't… Afghanistan!!?? Hey Christians, the Muslims don't like you. They aren't going to convert. In fact they might just snatch you up and lop off your head. But, hey, you go ahead and knock yourself out. Guess what, though?

You're on your own!

Scrubs

The TV is on in the background, I'm Finishing up Harry Potter and Fugazi Lyrics are distracting me.

This is My Weapon, This is My Gun...

Joe Biden hit it on the head last night during the YouTube Democratic response forum. When a gun owner called his gun his "baby," Biden responded: "If that's his baby, he needs help, I don't know if he's mentally qualified to own that gun."

There are not many people in my family that do not own guns or hunt but I have never heard a single one of them refer to a gun as "My baby." I bet that moron's wife thinks her dog is equivalent to a child as well.

Anthropomorphizing is just a long word for Nut Job!

Capital Gains

"The same folks that are bombing innocent people in Iraq, were the ones who attacked us in America on September the 11th, and that's why what happens in Iraq matters to the security here at home." GeeDub July 12, 2007

Outside of just being a general idiot and an @$$hole trying to cover up his mistakes while disregarding any culpability; why is Bush trying so hard to convince us that we have to stay in Iraq?

What does he gain?

... Coming soon: progress pictures of my DIY bathroom. A month of steady demolition and my reconstruction job will turn a corner. Mission almost accomplished.

Shop 'til She Loves You

There are a shitload of Hummers driving around where we live. One passed me today with a bumper sticker that read "I'm not spoiled my husband just loves me."

WTF!??

I guess if her husband didn't love her she would probably still have those two black eyes and broken ribs but she'd be driving a Toyota.

Poor Jen I should really show her how much I care and go buy her something we don't need.

America the Beautiful

In the check out. . .

Guy number one is standing in line at the self checkout line and a second guy pushing a five year old kid in a cart maneuvers in front of the first guy. The first guy moved back in front of the second guy and then the second guy pushes his cart back in front of the 1st guy

Guy 1. Dude! There's a line!

Guy 2. I know and you just cut in it.

G1. You pushed your cart in front of me twice, are you blind?

G2. What ever! Way to be an asshole!

G1. Wow! Nice language. Way to set a good example for your boy.

. . . brief pause

G2. Way to be human, man!

G1. Thanks, maybe you'll get there someday.

G2. Well I'm way ahead of you.

G1. True, too bad it's all your weight.

Oh the Pain

. . . DSL modem broke. Stop

No I-net at home. Stop

Yearly bone break yesterday. Stop

Big toe, spiral fracture. . . STOP!!!